I used to think seeing potential in everyone was my greatest strength — and it is. But lately, I’ve realized how easily I can slip into trying to fan every flame instead of letting the embers glow on their own — and here’s why.
You’ve probably seen those personality tests floating around — the ones that tell you if you’re an introvert, dreamer, or doer. Well, I’m an ENFJ, also known as “The Protagonist.” It basically means I’m wired to see the best in people… which is wonderful — until I realize I’m seeing more for them than they see for themselves.
As an ENFJ, I’m wired to see the best in people. It’s my superpower — and sometimes, my soft spot. I notice sparks before others do. I sense the “what could be” hiding beneath self-doubt or distraction, and I want to help that light come forward.
It’s part of why I became a Happiness Activator, why I lead workshops, and why I pour so much love into creating community through events like Haverhill’s Woofstock.
But lately, I’ve been reflecting on how my gift of seeing potential can also lead me to overextend myself.
The Gift of Vision
When you’re an ENFJ, people’s energy is your compass. You see what’s possible — not just what’s present. You can sense purpose in conversations, hope in hesitation, and courage in small beginnings.
This ability has shaped my world beautifully. It’s what allows me to connect deeply, to motivate others to dream bigger, and to create spaces where joy feels contagious.
Whether I’m coaching through Cyndie’s Thought Movement, organizing a community event, or working with my Happiness Ambassadors (Nigel and Ollie), that same instinct to uplift is always at play.
Helping others rise feels natural to me. It’s what makes me feel alive.
The Pitfall of Potential
But here’s the shadow side — sometimes, I fall in love with someone’s potential more than their present.
I start investing my time, heart, and energy into who they could be, instead of who they are willing to be right now.
I’ll see the best in someone so vividly that I forget: not everyone wants to step into their potential, and not everyone is ready to do the work that growth requires.
It’s not about judgment. It’s about energy. Because when I give too much of mine trying to light someone else’s spark, I can end up dimming my own.
“I can see their highest self so clearly, I forget that their timeline might not match my vision.”
That realization hit hard — but it was freeing.
The Spark Shift
Recently, I started to look at it differently.
Instead of trying to ignite someone’s entire fire, I simply offer the spark.
My job isn’t to engulf them in my enthusiasm — it’s to ignite their imagination and trust they’ll tend their own flame when the timing’s right.
I don’t need to fan it, fuel it, or carry it.
I just need to trust that a single spark — a kind word, a gentle nudge, an encouraging moment — might one day catch.
“We’re not meant to set others on fire with our passion; we’re meant to help them find their own match.”
When I let the embers glow naturally, something shifts.
I stay present in my light while still honoring theirs.
I stop chasing potential and start celebrating timing.
The Lesson in Self-Love
Learning to balance my ENFJ heart has been one of my biggest acts of self-love.
I can still see the best in people, still cheer them on, and still hold space for their transformation — but I no longer confuse my vision for their readiness.
That’s where my Infinite Possibilities training comes full circle:
we can inspire, but we can’t evolve for anyone else.
Growth is a choice each soul makes on their own timeline.
And maybe, just maybe, that’s the lesson Nigel has been teaching me all along — that happiness doesn’t chase; it attracts.
It trusts. It stays open, but steady.
“The better it gets, the better it gets — especially when I remember my purpose isn’t to push others into their potential, but to stay in mine.”
Reflection
If you’re someone who loves deeply, gives freely, and sees potential everywhere you look — this is your reminder:
You can offer the spark without starting the fire.
You can inspire others without burning out.
And you can let the embers glow — trusting that when they’re ready, their own flame will rise.
